Smudge

From the day when we were gods

I accepted your invitation and pretended
that I was that girl, the one who could part her legs
without blinking an eyelash
-a girl with a steely heart
-a girl who smirks at promises
-a girl who turns heads but scorns hearts

I wanted to be that girl, the one you said
would quicken your pulse and feed your lust
I wanted to be that girl, the one you said
you would drain until she was dry

But my desire grew rivers and you dried
like the desert.
Your footsteps in the sand (the sand you hate) do not even
dignify me by trailing away-
Even those blew away at the first sign of my tears.

I remember the 4 inch heels
I wore that night when I tried to face you squarely.

You pushed me up against the wall, in passion--
I look at up the smudge of eyeliner, rouge, blush-
and remember
the night I was a goddess
and remember
and that you remain a god

I stumble on your poems
and I realize that it is not that you do not feel
it is that you do not feel
for me